Fake news and commentary, published from Scotland
Roads, railways, construction.
Since Helensburgh’s new leisure centre opened in September 2022, regular patrons will by now be accustomed to the regular shouty aquatic torture classes that take place within. One local woman, who asked to be called H, decided against persevering with the new pool’s cauldron of noise and instead persevered with open water swimming during the […]
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Local group, Argyle and Bute Citizens Demanding Extra Funding for Grass in Helensburgh, are said to be “over the moon” at the number of residents who believe the pierhead site should be developed for leisure. “The response from the 10% of residents who could be arsed to complete the online survey clearly shows that over […]
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Popular walking routes, The Three Lochs Way and The John Muir Way could soon be joined by a new route for tourists to tackle. Although perhaps not as scenic as the others, the shorter “Three Gridlocks Way” will allow keen walkers to take in three different gridlocks in Helensburgh. Walkers tackling the route can start […]
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With Helensburgh evidently being the town where streets have no name, the ‘Adviser reached out to representatives for Irish rock band U2 for comment on the obvious parallels between the town and their song “Where the streets have no name.” Although Bono and Edge were unavailable, a spokesperson for the band commented that Helensburgh’s faded […]
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A recent post on the Facebook group Angry, Opinionated People of Helensburgh noting the filthy state of pavements has seemingly betrayed everything locals thought they knew to be true regarding how they have been kept clean in the past. A few misguided residents were certain they could remember a time when Argyll and Bute Council […]
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Overzealous nocturnal tree felling continues apace despite protests from sleepless residents.
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An ill-timed, half-hearted attempt at road resurfacing led to clouds of dust along East Clyde street until torrential rain brought rising water levels.
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Decades of determined campaigning led by the ‘Adviser’s own George Ramsgate results in a sleek new layer of tarmac on the quiet side-street.
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An extensive survey has found that during February 2019 the pavement on Station Road had more dog mess per metre than any other in Helensburgh.
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As work gathers pace in the bid to create a spaceport in the area, the Helensburgh Aeronautics and Space Administration has added Cardross’ village hall to its shortlist of potential sites for mission control.
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