Fake news and commentary, published from Scotland
News and events for local people.
The Dapper Dug, Helensburgh’s newest and most recently closed pub, has potentially set a new record for the shortest opening to closure period ever. After numerous delays, the gastro pub finally opened on the James Street in mid June 2022. Occupying the building that was originally a cinema before it became a snooker club and […]
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With Helensburgh evidently being the town where streets have no name, the ‘Adviser reached out to representatives for Irish rock band U2 for comment on the obvious parallels between the town and their song “Where the streets have no name.” Although Bono and Edge were unavailable, a spokesperson for the band commented that Helensburgh’s faded […]
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A recent post on the Facebook group Angry, Opinionated People of Helensburgh noting the filthy state of pavements has seemingly betrayed everything locals thought they knew to be true regarding how they have been kept clean in the past. A few misguided residents were certain they could remember a time when Argyll and Bute Council […]
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Argyll & Bute Council have recommended that seagulls should continue to remain 2 metres apart despite the phased easing of lockdown elsewhere in Scotland. In a statement published online, Councillor Ellen Morton confirmed that despite the continuing fine weather it was more important than ever for seagulls to remain disciplined. “I know it’s been a […]
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A cowardly delinquent defaced the cenotaph wall at Hermitage Park in a poorly executed defamation attempt just days before Remembrance Sunday.
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An alert reader contacted the Helensburgh Adviser after noticing the unusual item on the shore by Middleton Drive.
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Decades of determined campaigning led by the ‘Adviser’s own George Ramsgate results in a sleek new layer of tarmac on the quiet side-street.
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The recently rejuvenated park is under consideration as the site of a new venture with the potential to generate thousands in “delinquent tourism” money.
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A menacing seagull has been seen swooping to attack innocent pedestrians at the junction of Sinclair Street and King Street in Helensburgh.
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Helensburgh pub regulars stunned as group of young men from the ‘base quietly enjoy drinks in a local pub without being idiots.
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