The devastation caused by Network Rail's tree-felling activities

Network Rail chainsaw massacre roars in the dead of night


Overzealous nocturnal tree felling continues apace despite protests from sleepless residents.

The abrupt return of ear-splitting activity by Network Rail operatives has turned slumberland into a nightmare scenario for anyone living near the upper line.

Years after the unpopular felling of the beloved conker tree at the railway bridge on the corner of Redgauntlet Road, the company are once again raising the ire of townfolk.

“They don’t seem to care how much noise they make.” A weary Kirkmichael resident told this reporter. “At 3 am all I could hear was their chainsaws rasping away just a stone’s throw from my bedroom window. After half an hour of it, I was tempted to go out and pelt them with bottles from my recycling bin!”

Whilst we can’t condone retaliatory violence, we do sympathise with anyone unable to sleep through the din.

When contacted for comment, a spokesman for Network Rail told us that the activity during the night was necessary to prevent disruption to services. And profits, apparently – if they did the work during the day they’d have to cancel some trains.