Fake news and commentary, published from Scotland
News and events for local people.
Although the white Volkswagen will be a familiar sight to those passing by East King Street Park, few would imagine that it could draw the attention of Historic Scotland for a potentially “listed” status. It’s a title you’d normally think befitting of historic landmarks in the Helensburgh area such as The Hill House, the Clock […]
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Six years on from when Helensburgh Pier was closed to marine traffic, “as many people as possible” are being encouraged to gather on the pierhead this weekend to cheer a sail past by the paddle steamer, Waverley. Seemingly a recipe for disaster, the purpose of the occasion is intended as a show of support for […]
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On the afternoon of Saturday the 17th of February, the rapid charger beside the electrical cabinet at the pier car park began smoking due to a component failure. The local fire brigade were quick to attend, shutting down the apparatus and ensuring the area was safe. Perhaps being more safe than sorry, the ‘brigade taped […]
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A Helensburgh resident got in touch to voice his disappointment with Helensburgh’s Gala Day & Dog Show held in August, calling it “a poor choice of venue.” “For a start, I had no idea how they were going to cram everything in.” A local man, Arthur (59) told us. “But I like to support these […]
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Since Helensburgh’s new leisure centre opened in September 2022, regular patrons will by now be accustomed to the regular shouty aquatic torture classes that take place within. One local woman, who asked to be called H, decided against persevering with the new pool’s cauldron of noise and instead persevered with open water swimming during the […]
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Local group, Argyle and Bute Citizens Demanding Extra Funding for Grass in Helensburgh, are said to be “over the moon” at the number of residents who believe the pierhead site should be developed for leisure. “The response from the 10% of residents who could be arsed to complete the online survey clearly shows that over […]
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Although the long-awaited leisure centre is now open, works continue on the Helensburgh Waterfront Development project in the form of resurfacing of the pier. Due to this there has been no public access to the pier since early September, much to the frustration of local photographers. We were contacted by one local shutterbug who told […]
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A think-tank embedded within Helensburgh Community Council has recommended that “slug lanes” are the way forward during the autumn slug surge. Dedicated slug lanes have been created on the footpath that runs up the east side of Sinclair Street. A council spokesperson told us that the lanes will facilitate safe passage of slugs in both […]
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The Dapper Dug, Helensburgh’s newest and most recently closed pub, has potentially set a new record for the shortest opening to closure period ever. After numerous delays, the gastro pub finally opened on James Street in mid June 2022. Occupying the building that was originally a cinema before it became a snooker club and amusement […]
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With Helensburgh evidently being the town where streets have no name, the ‘Adviser reached out to representatives for Irish rock band U2 for comment on the obvious parallels between the town and their song “Where the streets have no name.” Although Bono and Edge were unavailable, a spokesperson for the band commented that Helensburgh’s faded […]
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