Helensburgh pub regulars stunned as group of young men from the ‘base quietly enjoy drinks in a local pub without being idiots.
The lads, thought to hail from various locations across England, were observed spending the entire evening merely enjoying each other’s company. None of the eyewitnesses we spoke to could remember any unruly behaviour, which is thought to be a first in the town for a group of sailors under the age of 30.
“I didn’t know what to think.” A local bar patron explained. “I saw them sitting there as I went in and my first instinct was to seek a table as far away from them as possible. But these lads weren’t yelling hoarsely at the top of their voices, goading each other into downing rancid cocktails or swilling lager about to the general discomfort of everyone else. They were just quietly chatting amongst themselves. They didn’t even appear to have crass nicknames for each other. I couldn’t believe my eyes or ears.”
A duty manager of the chain pub where the lads had imbibed spoke to us on condition of anonymity.
“Yes, I can confirm that the lads in question were in here. We were short staffed, as usual, and when they came in I was concerned there’d be trouble at the bar as the evening wore on. People get frustrated when they have to wait to get served and that’s exacerbated by packs of piss-heads ordering pitchers of cocktails that take time to prepare. However, on this occasion, the navy lads weren’t drinking like the world was ending on Monday. In fact, they were measured, quiet, and stuck to lager and ales. I think one of them was even on soft drinks.”
However, any hope that this unlikely occurrence is a sign of a sweeping culture change amongst the sailors who drink in Helensburgh was quickly quashed. When we spoke to some local “pub watch” enforcers, they were less enthused. One told us that he expected to be fending off drunken louts from outside bars for a long time to come.
“There’s nothing in it. They probably had hangovers from going large the night before.” The bouncer suggested. “So long as there’s a navy base nearby, populated by a rotating cast of Carlsberg swilling clowns, there’ll be trouble in this town. Comforting that they’re responsible for defending us, isn’t it?”