Restaurant set to open despite most pretentious names being taken

Local News Town centre

Helensburgh is to gain a new dining venue after a late decision by a Malaysian restaurateur.

A confidential source close to the business owner revealed that although the venture has been ready to open for some time, the sheer breadth of pretentious names already taken by other local restaurants has been a sticking point.

“We tried very hard to think of something classy that locals would appreciate.” Our source told us. “Unfortunately, The Sugar Boat was already taken so then we thought of going for something highly sophisticated to try and capture the local toff demographic. You know? The people who turn their noses up at actually getting on the train to Glasgow, but don’t mind paying Glasgow prices in Helensburgh. That’s where the profit is.”

The premises, near The Clyde Bar on West Clyde Street, has been in a state of limbo whilst the owner and his team agonise over a fitting title.

“Brainstorming sessions have been going on for longer than you’d think – to the point where we almost give up hope a few times. We didn’t believe it would be so hard to come up with a name just a touch more upmarket sounding than, say, The River Hill. But the honest truth is that after Riva and La Jupe opened we just couldn’t top those without it sounding utterly ridiculous. In the end, we think we’ve got a good one anyway.”

The name has yet to be revealed to the public but, regardless of what’s on the sign above the door, the staff here at the ‘Adviser hope the cuisine will add another mouthwatering option to the wide variety of eateries the town has to offer.